An Ordinary Man

Or, Men 101

Month: December, 2017

She Speaks The Truth ….

Ohio Rep. Marcy Kaptur is apparently catching flack because of her comment that the way some women dress is “an invitation” for sexual harassment – brava!  The argument, I guess, is that a woman should be able to dress however she wants to and be safe from catcalls, advances, etc.  This is not going to happen.  If a woman shows off more than a certain amount of her sexuality, men – some of them anyway – are going to react.

I’m reminded of the school dress codes that are ridiculed for calling leggings inappropriate, when said leggings show adolescent young men 99% of what lies beneath and then expect them to ignore their imaginations.  I can’t follow this argument for the life of me and also wonder what would happen if men started wearing skin-tight sleeveless t-shirts, bike shorts, and, why not, cod pieces in public.  I suspect the proper specimens would be inviting commentary.

While it is true that no matter how modest the apparel, men will be rude, gross, and coarse, putting yourself on display invites an unfortunate event at least as much as a guy wearing a gold Rolex or a Marines Kick Ass t-shirt.


Time Magazine & #MeToo …

I haven’t posted any thoughts here for quite a while but an unhappy coincidence today got me to thinking. It seems like Time Magazine named the #MeToo movement as its Persons of the Year for 2017 on the day that coincided with the ninth anniversary of the day my wife last had sex with me. And before those nine years, there were at least two separate full years of celibacy.

I’m not sure why or how this happened – we’re still married (although she now lives elsewhere) and we continue to have amicable exchanges & even visits, but I have not had sex in almost a decade and while I’m older, I’m not THAT old.

No explanation was ever really offered to me. I’ve kept in reasonable physical condition, haven’t cheated on her, abused her, made her do anything she considered unpleasant – maybe one thing every once in a while that she never mentioned or resisted – and I unfailingly thought she was pretty, sexy, and the perfect bedmate. I tried to take care of her the best I could and bent over backwards for our children, who ended up in her bed far more often than I did after they were born.

Something that’s lost in the fog of this particular war is that although MEN have most of the power with which to sexually harass women, and should be cashiered for doing so, WOMEN have most of the power and control over consensual sex, which is the only kind I want. And only from her. And if she withholds it, there is not much a guy can do about it.

It’s common in these matters to point out how attractive the lout’s wife is, as if that is some guarantee that he still has access to the happy sex that helped lead to his marital status; as if the vast majority of the married men are not going to say, no, they’re not quite getting it often enough anymore if they are really honest. I’m not faulting the wives; I can’t claim to be blameless in my situation, and the fact that I cannot explain it even to myself might be the biggest part of the problem, but for whatever reason, I have been condemned to sexlessness without my consent, and there is, apparently no appeal.

Even if passion dulls and things get sort of routine and mechanical, chances are fairly good the man still has a sex drive. When he marries her, he promises that she will be his ONLY outlet; what does she promise? My wife and I obviously disagree with respect to that.

Would that justify my harassing women? No, of course not. Does it explain the bitterness, frustration and anger underlying the actions of some men in doing so? Yes, I think so; to me, anyway.