An Ordinary Man

Or, Men 101

Month: May, 2015

Gelded

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Okay, for the first time in almost fifty years, I am not ruled by my sex drive.  I finally understand something my novel’s hero, Richard Wilson, does not – why one stops wanting sex.  I recently spent time on a cardiac floor and was discharged on medications notorious for messing with one’s libido.  It’s not that an orgasm doesn’t still feel good, it’s just way down the list of priorities, like, I submit, happens with way too many wives and girlfriends, for whatever reason.  I literally can take it or leave it, with the most surprising part being I don’t really care either way.  Who knew?  But, I hasten to add, I do not find sex distasteful to any degree and would gladly make myself available to my significant other for her pleasure if asked.

Seems a shame that Dr. Wilson is going to have to have a cardiac event before he and Liz can get along better.

I watched The Score last night, an excellent 2001 crime drama starring Robert DeNiro, Edward Norton, Marlon Brando and Angela Bassett.  It was intricately plotted, suspenseful, and ended with a delicious twist, but one thing bothered me through the whole movie: Ms Bassett, 43 at the time, was depicted as romantically involved with Mr DeNiro, 58 at the time.  In real life, DeNiro is one heck of a sexy dude and I can see beautiful women of all ages throwing themselves at his feet, but here it just didn’t quite ring true.

Of course, May-September romances are standard Hollywood fare, but as I get older, what once seemed pretty cool when I was younger seems vaguely ridiculous now.  I am heavily involved with a younger woman at the moment – 17 years younger – but it is strictly platonic, and just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, I would decline if the opportunity ever presented itself (which it won’t).  An enthusiastic woman my age would be welcome in my bed, but not a woman young enough to be my daughter.  Ick.

Thus it was with disappointment that I read on ABCnews.com that Maggie Gyllenhaal, at 37, was considered “too old” to play the girlfriend of a 55-year-old man.  This sends the wrong message to both genders; many of us old guys would be perfectly happy with a partner our age, however unphotogenic we might appear on the big screen.

Weight Loss: The (Very) Sad Truth

As a man almost 6’2″ tall, I have weighed between 200 and 220 pounds for the last 20 years (I’m 60). Two-twenty was definitely a bit chunky, but I scoffed at my ‘ideal’ weight of 178. That was ridiculous, especially since few people considered me overweight at 210.  Not too mention that I couldn’t get under 200 pounds to save my life.

However, between April 1, 2015, and May 1, 2015, my weight dropped to 185 – in a month!  Of course I cheated; I spent half that time, two weeks, on the cardiac floor of the local hospital.  Some of the weight is water weight.  If you don’t watch your sodium intake, I will suggest you’re carrying maybe ten pounds of water and although you can’t/shouldn’t take diuretics to get rid of it, it’s sodium that holds it in.

But most of the weight loss came through portion control, meaning I didn’t eat nearly as much as I did before I got sick (trust me; there was NO exercise involved – I was pretty much bedfast most of the time).  I’ve been out two weeks now and I’m still 185, without exercising. It’s two slices of pizza instead of four or five, two Tagalong Girl Scout cookies (the stated serving size) instead of half the box, an 8-oz can of Coke rather than one of those damned 20-oz bottles.  And no fast food – not because of calories, but because of salt content.

Not only do I not miss the excess amounts, but I actually enjoy the little ripple of hunger that comes along every once in a while.  I probably haven’t been legitimately hungry in decades.  An abnormal result?  Perhaps.  But people comment on how much weight I’ve lost (by lying in bed and eating less).  Unfortunately, I remain ugly.

Men Aren’t Completely Useless ….

“The beetles are also notable for their sex roles: The males contribute nothing to the upbringing of offspring, other than their genes. That makes them well-suited for an experiment aimed at figuring out why the females are better off even if they have to deal with useless males.”

I loved the article on NBCnews.com today explaining that even “the most useless males in the animal world contribute to the long-term evolutionary fitness of a species” based on an experiment indicating that all-female societies would eventually go extinct due to accumulated mutations.  Well done, Alan Boyle.

FHRITP?

According to the NY Daily News, it has become a thing to yell “F* Her Right In The P*” into the microphones of reporters live on air, especially female reporters.  Supposedly, this is “hilarious” because the words fuck and pussy can’t be said on TV.  The article describes how Toronto reporter Shuana Hunt faced some of these troglodytes down, telling them it was degrading to women and asking what their mothers would think.  The thing is, this isn’t just degrading to women; it is degrading to any rational human being, male or female, and that as a father, I would be mortified to have my son do it.  Hats off to the Hydro One power company for moving to terminate this creep.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/toronto-reporter-confronts-sexist-hecklers-camera-article-1.2221314

Don’t Keep Your Phone in Your Bra

CBSnews.com ran an interesting article today pointing out that it might be a good idea to keep a certain minimal distance between your cell phone and your skin, even though a link between keeping your phone in your bra and developing breast cancer has not been proven.

Dad Bods

I hope the current trend of finding “dad bods” (a bit of a belly) sexy extends soon to mom bods – for the same reason. To think there are women out there ashamed or embarrassed by their post-partum shapes is heartbreaking. You grow old together; why not (a little bit) plump together?