An Ordinary Man

Or, Men 101

Month: April, 2014

Donald Sterling Isn’t Ignorant – He’s Evil

I don’t write about racism on this blog but I feel strongly that anyone who has a public forum, no matter how modest, should take to it to condemn Donald Sterling and his remarks, even if it interrupts the regular flow of business. Especially older white males. If I could buy an “I’m Not Don Sterling” button, I would, and wear it.

This is not ignorance on his part, this is not a “product of his time” – this is evil. The idea that whites are inherently superior to blacks – or any other race – has always been evil, as well as usually believed most fervently by the those who aren’t as good as anybody, including their primate cousins. I cannot stand that race is even the smallest part of today’s socio-economic landscape and long for a time when my saying hello to a random black person on the street doesn’t surprise them.

To be honest, I hate parts of black culture (gangster rap) as much as I hate parts of white culture (meth heads and white supremacy), but the former doesn’t define a black person to me anymore than the latter defines a white person. And I’m not so crazy about what his young mixed-race “consort” might be up to, but that’s another matter.

Time to leave the stage, Sterling; sell your team and retire to behind closed doors, taking your evil thoughts with them so they won’t be heard again.

“I love my husband, but I want my own bed.” Really?

Richard entered the guest room and closed the door. It was sparsely furnished; a bed, a nightstand, a dresser; all of bolt-together construction, IKEA-style, perhaps reflecting haste in putting a place for him to stay together on short notice. The bed, of course, was for two, with flowered linens that would appeal to a feminine eye. An interesting de facto standard of the Western world. Who wants to sleep alone? These days, he did. If you are alone in bed, it’s easier to figure out why you are not having sex, or not at least in contact with parts related to sex. Liz didn’t seem to understand that sometimes he just wanted to run his hand over her surfaces, pausing now and then to appreciate and affirm them, rather than to arouse her. Maybe she would be less resistant if she knew that that quick pass between the thighs was sometimes more proprietary than sexual, kind of like checking on anything else of extreme value before you shut your eyes for the night.

An article by Holly Allen, entitled “The Case for Separate Beds” that I found on, relates how wonderful it was to sleep by herself in the guest room one night when she decided to “quietly slip down the hallway” on a night that her husband was “sick and gross.” Her co-workers apparently agreed with her, at least to some extent, and she dug out the indisputable health benefits of a good night’s sleep. But yet at the end of the article, she wrote “[t]hough when I gingerly mentioned this theory to my husband and he agreed with me, I did feel a tiny bit hurt.”

Yes, exactly. I miss my wife every night before I fall asleep and every morning I wake up. Not to mention when nightmares and worries wake me in between. No other woman sleeps with me and it is one of the things that made her special.

Vibrators, Glocks and Paychecks

With the invention of vibrators, Glocks, and paychecks, it is increasingly possible for a woman to look at her man and say, “What do I need you for?”

Farnoosh Torabi explores the impact earning a bigger paycheck can have on the male-female dynamic in a new book, “When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women” (available on According to its blurb:

For the top-earning woman, the rules are different. She faces a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In this highly practical book, financial guru and media star Farnoosh Torabi—a breadwinner herself—presents a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and family dynamics, but also how a woman can best manage (and take advantage of) this unique circumstance—emotionally, socially, and financially.

I haven’t read the book so I can’t endorse it, but it apparently has evolutionary overtones, which, of course, figure heavily in the novel, An Ordinary Man (also available on, so I will venture that it’s worth a read. Who knows, it might even get into mateness points.

About the vibrator and the Glock? That’s just a catchy headline, although I for one believe that no matter how well you may be able to sex, protect, and provide for yourself, the love of another person cannot be duplicated or replaced. There is something transcendent about a successful, long-term relationship that beats everything else. These two books could each contribute to your success in accomplishing that.

Post inspired by: Female Breadwinners Renegotiate Relationships by Maria Shriver

“Husband cheated because there was ‘never enough’ sex”

I know virtually nothing about Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott and could not care less, but still couldn’t resist this headline in the NY Daily News, having recently written a novel, An Ordinary Man, that explores a husband’s view of marital sex. I’m given to understand McDermott is something of a cad, and that they met by cheating on someone so their situation may be somewhat extreme, as well as complicated by her being the daughter of one of the richest and most powerful men in Hollywood, the late Aaron Spelling.

So it’s not their story that interests me, but the comments left by NYDN readers. Here is a selection of what they had to say:

– If men used the “not enough sex” excuse, then all men in the world would cheat. LOL.
– Or maybe he just had a half-bored cheat session w/ a stranger b/c he never gets any good loving at home??
– Ladies, if he wants sex … GIVE IT TO HIM! If you don’t … he’ll go somewhere else to get it! If you don’t want him to stray, you have to keep him fulfilled at home! Remember, you signed up for this! Don’t blame him if he has a healthy libido! It’s why you married him in the first place!
– Rationing sex and other such important factors in the marriage seems to encourage women to believe they can control a man and make him into some figment of manhood they approve of…instead of accepting him for what he is an accommodating him and fulfilling his needs.
– If she understands why her husband cheated on her because she was not satisfying her husband’s sexual needs then she needs to submit herself to sex every single time he wants it. There’s no excuse for her not please her husband. That’s a legitimate cause for divorce under the law if a spouse is not fulfilling their obligation of a marriage by not making themselves available sexually. A lot of these women out here believe that after they have a bunch of kids that it’s okay to not please their husband’s sexual needs and just focus on their kids. She got a reality check now. A man has needs that cannot be ignored. If she continues to ignore her husband’s sexual appetite then she should grant the guy a divorce and not dare ask him for child support.
– There needs to be a change in our culture regarding what women are taught about men and sex. 1) Stop calling it cheating, and stop EXPECTING your “own man”. From fairy tales to TV shows, we are teaching women this fallacy of male fidelity. WHY? Men are not fantasizing about relationships and monogamy. We are opportunists. If the woman is game, so are we, and it’s rare that we say no. 2) It’s not your fault when your man has sex with other women. In fact, sometimes the better the sex is with you, the MORE sex he wants with other women. The amount of women a man has is solely based on availability. If he is in demand, he will have more women. 3) Stop being ashamed of your man having other women. It’s really the only sign that he’s worth anything. His Porsche and his fancy job are meaningless.

This is hardly a scientific sampling of male views, but quite interesting nonetheless – and quite common. Please consider the book, available at Amazon and Smashwords.

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