The NY Daily News reported on a study out of “three universities in the southern U.S.” saying that couples whose marriages last longer than fifty years experience a sexual rebound. I’m sorry, but if I have to wait that long for my love life to pick up again after the honeymoon, I’m out of here. Here’s how Richard Wilson, the protagonist and ordinary man of the title of the novel, put it, one night after his frustrations ran particularly deep:
The flip side of forsaking all others is that you do not forsake me. I do not pursue other opportunities because you are my opportunity, not because I have lost interest in those opportunities. I give up the thrill of the chase and the excitement of new skin because you know my desires and have promised to accommodate them. If you don’t f**k me wherever and whenever I want, what exactly am I supposed to do? Liz was wrong; it was in fact a quid pro quo, a contract, and if you breach your end of it, why wouldn’t I breach mine? This may come as a shock, honey, but I am as much a slave to my libido as you are to it, even more so. It’s not a switch I can simply turn on and off. I get hungry and tired at inconvenient times, too, and there’s not much I can do about that, either. How many times do you get to say no, and why do you even want to say no in the first place? You didn’t have to accept the ring.
He later backed off the “wherever and whenever” part, but trust me, a guy’s going to at least consider getting it someplace else if he’s not getting it at home. Unless, of course, he’s one of the one-in-a-million willing to wait 2/3’s his life … how lucky do you feel?