The premise of An Ordinary Man is that sex is far more important to a marriage than many women might think and that not having sex within the marriage is as bad for the relationship as having sex outside the marriage. Thus, I was interested to come across this quote from the authors’ forum at Amazon:
I was married for 17 years, and am now divorced and far from single. When I think of anything “erotic”, it has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage. If anything, in my mind it is more or less on the opposite end of the spectrum from marriage. Marriage means boring sex that happens less and less frequently as the years go on. Eroticism has more to do with stepping outside the boundaries and normality of the generic sexual relationship found most commonly in marriage. The romantic ideal of falling in love and getting married has no ties to eroticism, unless you are a teenage virgin who led a sheltered life while being taught that sex is what happens only after marriage and love so you lay awake at night dreaming of what sex is actually like. That could be erotic and tied to marriage, but it is a stretch.
Wow, there’s a lot of anger there. And he wasn’t the only only to adamantly refuse to consider eros as part of a marital relationship:
It’s amazing to me that you actually think love and romance are somehow synomymous with eroticism. Did you not have parents? Most of us knew the difference between love and lust before we were out of grade school.
Frightening stuff, don’t you think – that there are men out there who cannot conceive of having an erotic relationship with their spouse? Guaranteed divorce.