Father’s Day ≠ Husband’s Day

by An Ordinary Man (the novel)

By the time my kids were toddlers, I had stopped celebrating Father’s Day for the simple, but ugly, reason that becoming a father had ended my being a husband.  A columnist for the the NY Daily News, Gersh Huntsman, explains it better than I could twenty-some years later:

“But first, the manhood issue: As a man, my brain is divided into two parts: The part that wants to be having sex and the other part that listens to the first part. But every stressed-out parent quickly learns that exhaustion suppresses desire. Just Google ‘sex life parents’ and you’ll get thousands of articles with alarming headlines such as ‘5 Ways to Protect Your Sex Life From Your Kids,’ ‘How to maintain your sex life after having children,’ or, most alarmingly, ‘Sexless marriage.’ Sexless marriage? A marriage without sex is not a sacred union but a friendship or a business partnership. I’m not going to attribute my divorce strictly to sexual issues (hey, being married to me ain’t a picnic), but once you become a parent, you are often too tired for sex — and choosing sleep isn’t what keeps marriages together. Sex does.

Beyond mere personal gratification, sex is a life force that binds us to the person we love. When the act itself starts disappearing, the emotions behind it start to wither, too. This is not merely my opinion. It is simply a fact.

And beyond sex, some other basic functions are lost to child-rearing: As you rush to get kids to school, birthday parties, sports and other enrichment, you find yourself skipping showers, meals, down time, your own recreation, exercise, intellectual discourse, reading, thinking, debating, dancing, putting on your favorite song, drinking, dining, caring about the outside world, inventing something to make the planet a better place, and on and on and on. So much gets lost in the shuffle. The ‘so much’ is you.

Which brings me to my next point…”

He called it “a constant struggle” – one that I lost, and one that your husband might lose.  I love my kids, but I loved my wife more.  Read his entire column, and click on the links, or consult a divorce attorney – you might need one sooner than you think.