Frequency of Sex: An App For That

by An Ordinary Man (the novel)

The techies are atwitter over the fact that Apple’s newest operating system for i-devices includes an app for tracking your reproductive health, including the frequency of sexual intercourse.  This might be more useful than one might think because if there is one sexual issue that is disputed, it is how often a couple makes the beast with two backs; one will say more often than the other will, with both of them likely to be wrong.  I wrote An Ordinary Man with candid input from a happily-married younger woman and laughed when she was horrified that I suggested she mark it on the calendar, including whether it was a “one way” or mutual episode but a month later, she confessed that it was easy to let time get away from you.

Richard Wilson, the protagonist of the story, felt that no more than three days should go by, because that’s how long sperm could live in the female tract and she should always have this connection with him. That’s a little weird, but not the idea behind it; the average man is NOT satisfied with once or twice a week and puts up with that only because the average woman controls access to consensual sex.  Friday and Saturday night do not solve the Sunday through Thursday drought; by Tuesday, he’s already thinking how much happier he could be, and what’s it take if you put your heart into it; five or ten minutes?  If you don’t have that for him, your relationship is in trouble, whether you know it or not.

With iOS 9, you can whip out your iPhone and remind him you snuck one in on Wednesday and make a joke out of it.