“Husband cheated because there was ‘never enough’ sex”
by An Ordinary Man (the novel)
I know virtually nothing about Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott and could not care less, but still couldn’t resist this headline in the NY Daily News, having recently written a novel, An Ordinary Man, that explores a husband’s view of marital sex. I’m given to understand McDermott is something of a cad, and that they met by cheating on someone so their situation may be somewhat extreme, as well as complicated by her being the daughter of one of the richest and most powerful men in Hollywood, the late Aaron Spelling.
So it’s not their story that interests me, but the comments left by NYDN readers. Here is a selection of what they had to say:
– If men used the “not enough sex” excuse, then all men in the world would cheat. LOL.
– Or maybe he just had a half-bored cheat session w/ a stranger b/c he never gets any good loving at home??
– Ladies, if he wants sex … GIVE IT TO HIM! If you don’t … he’ll go somewhere else to get it! If you don’t want him to stray, you have to keep him fulfilled at home! Remember, you signed up for this! Don’t blame him if he has a healthy libido! It’s why you married him in the first place!
– Rationing sex and other such important factors in the marriage seems to encourage women to believe they can control a man and make him into some figment of manhood they approve of…instead of accepting him for what he is an accommodating him and fulfilling his needs.
– If she understands why her husband cheated on her because she was not satisfying her husband’s sexual needs then she needs to submit herself to sex every single time he wants it. There’s no excuse for her not please her husband. That’s a legitimate cause for divorce under the law if a spouse is not fulfilling their obligation of a marriage by not making themselves available sexually. A lot of these women out here believe that after they have a bunch of kids that it’s okay to not please their husband’s sexual needs and just focus on their kids. She got a reality check now. A man has needs that cannot be ignored. If she continues to ignore her husband’s sexual appetite then she should grant the guy a divorce and not dare ask him for child support.
– There needs to be a change in our culture regarding what women are taught about men and sex. 1) Stop calling it cheating, and stop EXPECTING your “own man”. From fairy tales to TV shows, we are teaching women this fallacy of male fidelity. WHY? Men are not fantasizing about relationships and monogamy. We are opportunists. If the woman is game, so are we, and it’s rare that we say no. 2) It’s not your fault when your man has sex with other women. In fact, sometimes the better the sex is with you, the MORE sex he wants with other women. The amount of women a man has is solely based on availability. If he is in demand, he will have more women. 3) Stop being ashamed of your man having other women. It’s really the only sign that he’s worth anything. His Porsche and his fancy job are meaningless.